New again

I have never understood the line "The Incredible Lightness of Being" before. In the last two weeks I have come to understand this idea.

I feel like a lizard, a snake, that has too many layers of dead dry skin, that hasn't come off.  It doesn't seem to matter how much I rub up against anything, it doesn't matter how much I push or squirm I just can't seem to get this layer of crap off of me.  I feel it muffling everything that is me.  My colors, light, magic, my very voice has been muffled for years now. 

Somewhere in here there is a sense of self that has been missing for too many years now.  I am in the process of looking for a spell beyond your basic cleansing.  I'm not looking to slowly scrub away these many layers of darkness, of other's voices telling me who and what I am, I am looking for something stronger. 

It amazes me how hard it is to find the older spells.  I'm not talking grimoire of spells from the "ancients" or who ever they are.  I'm talking the spells our grandmothers did.  The ones that weren't necessarily written down because they were so ingrained in who we were and our everyday life that they didn't need to be written down.

I'm looking for a cleansing spell to help me break through the layers of abuse I have put my body, mind and magic through. So caught up in the political rat race of making sure that everyone is okay.  That everyone has their voice heard and represented, instead of remembering that by not teaching them to fight, I help perpetuate the cycle of whiny me me me selfish bull crap that we are currently seeing not only in the magical world but the mundane as well. Somewhere in the race to make everyone else's life better I neglected to work on mine.  And now even if I wanted to help others I am incapable.  I am muffled and muzzled.

As I find my spell, and myself, I'm hoping to add it to this blog. Keep on the look out.